my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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