Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
