Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
