Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
