that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm too high and old for this...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
