Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
