dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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