Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
