2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
