i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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