That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
