Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
