Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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