So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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