Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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