you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
