you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
