do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
