Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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