worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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