I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
