he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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