I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Randomize
