he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
