I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
