Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
