I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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