If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
