so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
