Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
