she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
