i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The Olympian is in my bed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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