pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
