I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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