Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
