Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
