I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
