I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
