Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You are the jesus of drinking
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
