Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
