Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
