when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
