her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize