I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
