bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
