I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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