Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
