I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
