So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Of course I have a pirate flag
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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