I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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