this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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