you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize