we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
