HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
