So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
