I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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