Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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