But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
