I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's always time for handjobs
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
