who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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