I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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