It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
