I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
