ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
