please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
