my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
