I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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