Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
