I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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