Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
