What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
