I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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