This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
