someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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