Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
