my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
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In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize