i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
